A Woman and a Shit load of Kids

If you’re home schooled like myself, then you have plenty of time to lounge around the house wasting what little brain cells the good lord gave you by watching mind-numbing television all day long. But instead you probably have a life and while we’re at it, you probably didn’t catch Nadya Suleman a.k.a “Octomom” on The View. Nadya Suleman, is perhaps the only person on the face of the Earth that makes Jon Gosselin look like not only a responsible father, but a functioning human being. The mother of fourteen children, somehow carved out the time to join Woopie, Joy, Elizabeth, Sherri, and the Crypt Keeper herself, Barbara Walters in what I like to call, “The Third Circle of Hell” to show off her new “Bikini Body” and for the first time in the history of The View none of the co-hosts were the craziest person in the room.

The thing I found irksome about this was her claiming that she lost all the weight “organically,” and without the aid of cosmetic surgery. A few weeks prior, she graced the cover of O.K. Magazine flaunting her flat, smooth, stretch-mark free stomach in a red string bikini. I just have one question: How dumb do you think we are? I live in Orange County, our motto should be: “Our women have more plastic then you’re Honda,” I’ve seen a tummy-tuck in my day, and that my friends is NOT natural. Let’s examine our key piece of evidence, the belly-button. By nature, there are two types: “Innie” and “Outtie” and Octomom’s looks like a coin slot. And then there are the stretch marks: Where are the stretch marks? I grew four inches over two months and I got stretch marks on my legs, and I know that there isn’t enough “Shay’s Coco Butter” in the world to make those suckers go away. You might think you can fool America Octomom, but you can’t fool me…

Now on to the main event, in this circus from hell, the actual interview; She bounces around from co-host to co-host never actually answering any of their questions prompting us to ask the million dollar question: If you can’t handle five grown women talking to you one-at-a-time, how the hell do take care of FOURTEEN CHILDREN? She later goes on to say that she would be open to having another child if the right man came into her life and made her an honest woman… I would personally like to meet the man whom agrees to not only marry this basket-case but have a fifteenth child with her? I don’t think so…

The moral of the story, I think that before you’re allowed to get pregnant by In Vitro Fertilization you should be given an IQ test and be thoroughly checked out by a shrink. Because the point is, this woman is bat-shit-crazy.